I cannot sleep tonight and I'm not sure if it's because of the after effect of being hospitalized for the first time or maybe because I'm thinking the shit things happening on me now.I'm not in the mood tonight. Listening on the radio doesn't help, it only reminds of me of the bitter memories and missing someone. I hate missing people knowing that he doesn't feel the same way. Watching tv is not a good idea either, I'm tired of watching boring news e.g killing people, stealing, fire, volcano erupting, bad economy, famine, everything at its worst. Who could save someone from someone? I should say acting like this would fire me from the world of media. The hell with it!
Just let me speak for myself. I want to say what I'm thinking right now. And do you have any idea what's bugging in my mind tonight? Hmmmm...bet you have no idea.
I AM TIRED.Do you know how it feels of being in hell? Yeah. I'm in hell. Oh wait! I am always in hell. I have not escape from it!Pathetic...I was just fooling myself. I cannot save me from me. Tough Self!
Why do I need to pay the price of something when at the end I have no benefit from it? They say I shouldn't expect any return! Oh!Bullshit! I am left with nothing now, what more can I give? You took it all away.
Now I'm going to return to the place where I am alone, no emotions, lifeless, aloof and angry. Masochistic I am! but at least I didn't hurt anybody. Can you hear me? I DIDN'T HURT ANYBODY. I NEVER LET ANYONE CRY! AND THANKS TO YOU GUYS I AM ALWAYS THE ONE WHO DOES IT!
Oh Lord! Show me what I'm looking for!Save me! I just need someone to stand by me forever! Just get me out of here!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Pissed Off!!!!!
I AM TIRED OF EVERYTHING....BWESIT!
MAMALIKAS SAKO DRI WALAY MAGBUOT!YAWA!GIKAPOY NAJUD KO...
I HATE RULES! HATE LIFE!I HATE EVERYTHING!
LEAVE ME ALONE!BULLSHIT!
JUST TAKE MY HEART AWAY!
DAMN YOU PEOPLE!
MAMALIKAS SAKO DRI WALAY MAGBUOT!YAWA!GIKAPOY NAJUD KO...
I HATE RULES! HATE LIFE!I HATE EVERYTHING!
LEAVE ME ALONE!BULLSHIT!
JUST TAKE MY HEART AWAY!
DAMN YOU PEOPLE!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Still Learning to Forgive
Pay attention to every moment, because the opportunity - the “magic instant” – is within our reach, although we always let it pass by because we feel guilty. So try not to waste your time blaming yourself: the universe will see to correcting you if you’re not worthy of what you’re doing.”
It won’t be through tragedies; these happen because they are part of life, and they should not be thought of as punishment. Generally the universe shows us that we are wrong when it takes away what is most important to us: our friends.
if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”
“I have been hurt many times.”
“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”
“I think it’s human.”
“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”
It won’t be through tragedies; these happen because they are part of life, and they should not be thought of as punishment. Generally the universe shows us that we are wrong when it takes away what is most important to us: our friends.
if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”
“I have been hurt many times.”
“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”
“I think it’s human.”
“It’s certainly human. But it’s neither intelligent nor reasonable. Respect your time on this Earth, understand that God has always pardoned you, and learn to pardon too.”
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I Want To Know What Love Is
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is.....
I know you can show me......
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me....
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me....
In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life!.!.!.!.
I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is......
I know you can show me......
I wanna know what love is....
I want you to show me....
And I wanna feel, I want to.... feel what love is....
And I know, I know you can show me....
show me
I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is.....
I know you can show me......
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me....
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me....
In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life!.!.!.!.
I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is......
I know you can show me......
I wanna know what love is....
I want you to show me....
And I wanna feel, I want to.... feel what love is....
And I know, I know you can show me....
show me
I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Three Years Ago
I hate to see myself in pain. I hate to see myself in anger. I neither want to see myself in grudge nor to see myself suffer because of it. But all of these happened even if I don’t want too. Why? Because people around me love to see worst things thrown on me. Maybe I’m one of those lead actresses who are beaten up by villains but in my case I don’t receive any awards or compliments from the tears and screams or for the slaps and blows they have given me.
Just as I thought I started to recover…just as I thought it was over…the wounds that are not yet healed are calling for vengeance and I hate it.
Three years ago I died and it was the worst feeling that one could ever imagine. I eat, sleep, talk, walk, and think …I do all things that a normal person does but the only difference is that I hate to laugh, smile, and be with people. I curse boys, relationships, promises and even love. I hated them all just as I hated life so much. I am the living dead with no emotions at all. Imagine all things and people around you laughing out loud and living their lives happily while you are in an isolated corner of this world, crouching in pain..The kind of place you never wished for yourself. I often ask why the people you love are the same people who will let you feel the pain. The worst thing is when they have all moved on and yet you are left behind still suffering for the pain that those people have caused you. How bitter. How pathetic. How awful.
Three years ago I died and it was the moment where hope did not exist. Hope is only felt by people who still want to live but for me hope is a mere imagination, a fantasy of the weak. How could you still hope for someone or something when they have already given you up? How could you still convince yourself that there is still hope when you see yourself drowning in the deep, dark water of this unfair world and knowing that there is no one to save you?
Three years ago I died and I live my life alone. I learned to love the pain that people have blatantly showed me. I learned to be immune by the sufferings that life continuously troubles me. I learned to live my life with pain as my company and this pain will always live within me even if three years have already passed. This pain is already part of my being. Pain maybe a poisonous element in life but for me it is the thing that makes me strong and that will push me to keep going. I will always remember this pain because without it I will never survive life…three years ago.
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sorry if you were not there three years ago. I am sorry that you were not by my side to comfort me when I was breaking down. I am sorry that you cannot understand the feeling of being abandoned and rejected. I am sorry that you cannot understand a bit of my weirdness and lonely life. I am sorry that even if you tried and even how hard I tried I cannot explain the things that are happening around me and the feelings that make me suffer right now. In the first place how can I express what I’m feeling if I don’t understand it? I am sorry because the pain keeps on haunting me and you are not enough or should I say it is not that easy. How I wish you could feel the strange feeling that is creeping me every night. I am sorry that three years ago…. something happened in my life.
GOD... I am begging you to save me from the curse that I'm into because I am tired and I'm afraid I cannot bear it anymore.
Can anybody out there hear my call?
Just as I thought I started to recover…just as I thought it was over…the wounds that are not yet healed are calling for vengeance and I hate it.
Three years ago I died and it was the worst feeling that one could ever imagine. I eat, sleep, talk, walk, and think …I do all things that a normal person does but the only difference is that I hate to laugh, smile, and be with people. I curse boys, relationships, promises and even love. I hated them all just as I hated life so much. I am the living dead with no emotions at all. Imagine all things and people around you laughing out loud and living their lives happily while you are in an isolated corner of this world, crouching in pain..The kind of place you never wished for yourself. I often ask why the people you love are the same people who will let you feel the pain. The worst thing is when they have all moved on and yet you are left behind still suffering for the pain that those people have caused you. How bitter. How pathetic. How awful.
Three years ago I died and it was the moment where hope did not exist. Hope is only felt by people who still want to live but for me hope is a mere imagination, a fantasy of the weak. How could you still hope for someone or something when they have already given you up? How could you still convince yourself that there is still hope when you see yourself drowning in the deep, dark water of this unfair world and knowing that there is no one to save you?
Three years ago I died and I live my life alone. I learned to love the pain that people have blatantly showed me. I learned to be immune by the sufferings that life continuously troubles me. I learned to live my life with pain as my company and this pain will always live within me even if three years have already passed. This pain is already part of my being. Pain maybe a poisonous element in life but for me it is the thing that makes me strong and that will push me to keep going. I will always remember this pain because without it I will never survive life…three years ago.
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sorry if you were not there three years ago. I am sorry that you were not by my side to comfort me when I was breaking down. I am sorry that you cannot understand the feeling of being abandoned and rejected. I am sorry that you cannot understand a bit of my weirdness and lonely life. I am sorry that even if you tried and even how hard I tried I cannot explain the things that are happening around me and the feelings that make me suffer right now. In the first place how can I express what I’m feeling if I don’t understand it? I am sorry because the pain keeps on haunting me and you are not enough or should I say it is not that easy. How I wish you could feel the strange feeling that is creeping me every night. I am sorry that three years ago…. something happened in my life.
GOD... I am begging you to save me from the curse that I'm into because I am tired and I'm afraid I cannot bear it anymore.
Can anybody out there hear my call?
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