“You have to know that I will never love a man the way I loved you” (One and Only You Monday, November 16, 2009)…
I speak of these words when I was still hooked with the idea of having you for the second time. These words are uttered with sincerity and affection but can I take it back? Hhhmm..Maybe no because it’s the truth but can I change it? Definitely yes and it goes like this “You have to know that I will never love a man the way I loved you because when the time comes that my man arrives I will love him better and more than I loved you”.
Have I known that for the second time my sacrifice will be just another useless story? Have I known that you can never really fight for me? Have I known that history repeats itself?
Honestly, I was not expecting that it would happen again. I thought things will be different now but I was wrong. Did I assume too much? Did I expect too much from you?
My fantasy over you and about us was another secret of failure.
Well I have to end this endless fool’s dreams. I’m closing the door for you and from now on you will be just the man I will remember for teaching me how love can be cruel and how love can be a sweet sacrifice.
I am not hurt. I am not sad. I am not angry. This is the best ending for an unrequited love story.
Acceptance will take away the pain and the regret. YOU AND I WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER.
I used to fix my mind with you as my ideal man and I could never find someone like you who makes me nervous and shudder at the same time. And I was wrong having this idealism. I never gave myself the chance to see other people’s willingness to give themselves for me just like my willingness to give up everything for you. I would not blame myself for this stupid idealism because it’s my choice.
Now it came to a point where I will need to end this. It’s time to stop dreaming, to stop assuming, to stop waiting and to stop loving you.
I think I did not fail to show you how much you are loved. I did a good fight, didn’t I?
My story.
Your story.
Our story.
The Unrequited love story will now end here.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
ADAGIO__I LOVE YOU
I don’t know where to find you
I don’t know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin (or "that brings me a touch of hint")
Within my heart and my soul
I wait for you
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I’ve walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay
Don't let this light fade away
No No No No No No
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you believe
Make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I don’t know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin (or "that brings me a touch of hint")
Within my heart and my soul
I wait for you
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I’ve walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay
Don't let this light fade away
No No No No No No
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you believe
Make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Three Characters of My Life
Lately my mind is preoccupied with things I WANT TO DO, I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE.Things that always make my head ache. This is my habit, my disease, my obsession. (mmm..how do you call someone who never stops from thinking?)
Things I WANT TO DO:
I want something great for myself so I want to be someone who can satisfy my own standard. I want to see myself choked with success so I won’t think that I am a complete loser. I want to spend my time on teaching myself the things that the scholars know so I won’t always tell myself that I am dumb and stupid. I want to be someone who is respected and feared by anyone who tries to ridicule me so that I won’t always bent my head down when ignorance is coming my way. I want something for myself that would ease my heart from ceaseless search. I want to find that “something” for myself that would make me say “I couldn’t ask for more”.
Things I CANNOT DO:
I can’t leave because I’m stuck with too much worry about my family. I can’t say no because I’m afraid to hurt others feelings. I can’t say yes because I’m afraid of its consequences. I can’t go if someone is pulling me backwards. I can’t step forward because I’m frightened of what will I see on the way. I CANNOT DO the things I WANT TO DO because it is not easy to settle things at once. It is not easy to let
go.
THE IMPOSSIBLE:
Are there any? Mmm..well these are those fantasies I created inside my mind. You know it’s not good being too imaginative sometimes, it gives you hope at first but disappoint you later on. So better not be like me. ^_^.
The impossible is something to do with YOU and ME. It sounds real yet when I pinch myself I woke up from that fantasy but I can’t keep myself from thinking about it over and over again. EXHAUSTING!
What can I possibly do with the THINGS I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE?
Maybe it’s time for me to decide on matters that concern me, my future, my dream, my goal and my life. I’m giving it a time limit starting today…gonna work hard but when the door opens I’m gonna take that path without regrets and backing off.
Things I WANT TO DO:
I want something great for myself so I want to be someone who can satisfy my own standard. I want to see myself choked with success so I won’t think that I am a complete loser. I want to spend my time on teaching myself the things that the scholars know so I won’t always tell myself that I am dumb and stupid. I want to be someone who is respected and feared by anyone who tries to ridicule me so that I won’t always bent my head down when ignorance is coming my way. I want something for myself that would ease my heart from ceaseless search. I want to find that “something” for myself that would make me say “I couldn’t ask for more”.
Things I CANNOT DO:
I can’t leave because I’m stuck with too much worry about my family. I can’t say no because I’m afraid to hurt others feelings. I can’t say yes because I’m afraid of its consequences. I can’t go if someone is pulling me backwards. I can’t step forward because I’m frightened of what will I see on the way. I CANNOT DO the things I WANT TO DO because it is not easy to settle things at once. It is not easy to let
go.
THE IMPOSSIBLE:
Are there any? Mmm..well these are those fantasies I created inside my mind. You know it’s not good being too imaginative sometimes, it gives you hope at first but disappoint you later on. So better not be like me. ^_^.
The impossible is something to do with YOU and ME. It sounds real yet when I pinch myself I woke up from that fantasy but I can’t keep myself from thinking about it over and over again. EXHAUSTING!
What can I possibly do with the THINGS I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE?
Maybe it’s time for me to decide on matters that concern me, my future, my dream, my goal and my life. I’m giving it a time limit starting today…gonna work hard but when the door opens I’m gonna take that path without regrets and backing off.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year to Look Forward to....
Another year has ended for every one of us and there will be this New Year to face.
Like anyone of you, one chapter in my life has closed its pages and there will be another chapter to unfold.
2009 has been good but there are imminent tragedies which I never saw coming and it was too late for me to regret and blame someone or something just to be able to get the answer of a mystery which I didn’t even recognized. There were different stories in my life which myself cannot understand why the ending of the tale is far different from what I imagined when I wrote its beginning.
Well it was a mistake when I thought I was all alone writing the story of my own life. I forgot that I am in need of guidance and protection. Unexpectedly and unfortunately my stubbornness has its own price and I paid for it.
Every day I grow up and I can sensed that I need to because I must see myself strong and contented. But no matter what I do I keep on failing and every now and then I cried though it hurts a lot to see myself in pain.
Different faces of pain which I need to bear during my solitary moments. Pain of the past that keeps on haunting me. The pain of losing my father and the pain of missing him knowing that I could never touch him again. The pain of the miserable life which drag me into the world of envy and selfishness. The pain of being betrayed and rejected by the people you loved and cared so much. The pain of assuming for the love of someone. The pain of waiting when at the end you will just only know you are waiting for nothing. Yes I was living my life in pain. Some people may not understand it and I have no intention to explain it either. But despite of all these pain, I manage to live my life partly. I still love myself no matter what!
Family is a great refuge especially my mom whom I would offer my life and love. She has been my courage when I have nothing more to give. Thanks to her I still say “cheers” every morning.
2009 has been good because God has given me everything I asked for. He never fails me even if I don’t deserve it. Like any other humans I pay my Master the highest respect, worship and love even if I cannot afford it.
I face 2010 with enthusiasm and optimism…2009 has been good but 2010 will be better. I have to leave some people behind and to welcome another new ones. But I need to remind myself that I should be careful this time. I should not do anything reckless because when it happens again... it will surely be my doomsday.
2010 will be my year and this year will be full of laughter and love. I may not have forgiven some people but I know time will come I will not remember their faces and their names so there will be no more reason for me to look back. I’m moving on. Forward to a better me. To a better year. To a better life.
^_^
Like anyone of you, one chapter in my life has closed its pages and there will be another chapter to unfold.
2009 has been good but there are imminent tragedies which I never saw coming and it was too late for me to regret and blame someone or something just to be able to get the answer of a mystery which I didn’t even recognized. There were different stories in my life which myself cannot understand why the ending of the tale is far different from what I imagined when I wrote its beginning.
Well it was a mistake when I thought I was all alone writing the story of my own life. I forgot that I am in need of guidance and protection. Unexpectedly and unfortunately my stubbornness has its own price and I paid for it.
Every day I grow up and I can sensed that I need to because I must see myself strong and contented. But no matter what I do I keep on failing and every now and then I cried though it hurts a lot to see myself in pain.
Different faces of pain which I need to bear during my solitary moments. Pain of the past that keeps on haunting me. The pain of losing my father and the pain of missing him knowing that I could never touch him again. The pain of the miserable life which drag me into the world of envy and selfishness. The pain of being betrayed and rejected by the people you loved and cared so much. The pain of assuming for the love of someone. The pain of waiting when at the end you will just only know you are waiting for nothing. Yes I was living my life in pain. Some people may not understand it and I have no intention to explain it either. But despite of all these pain, I manage to live my life partly. I still love myself no matter what!
Family is a great refuge especially my mom whom I would offer my life and love. She has been my courage when I have nothing more to give. Thanks to her I still say “cheers” every morning.
2009 has been good because God has given me everything I asked for. He never fails me even if I don’t deserve it. Like any other humans I pay my Master the highest respect, worship and love even if I cannot afford it.
I face 2010 with enthusiasm and optimism…2009 has been good but 2010 will be better. I have to leave some people behind and to welcome another new ones. But I need to remind myself that I should be careful this time. I should not do anything reckless because when it happens again... it will surely be my doomsday.
2010 will be my year and this year will be full of laughter and love. I may not have forgiven some people but I know time will come I will not remember their faces and their names so there will be no more reason for me to look back. I’m moving on. Forward to a better me. To a better year. To a better life.
^_^
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