I LOVE HIM....

I was too inspired by Paulo Coelho’s blog dated August 27 entitled “Why we love men” so I decided to write some information about what kind of man I love. I convinced myself to write this because I also wanted to know what myself wants…

I love him when writes poems, songs, for me.

I love him when he argues with me and understands me after.

I love him when he plays the guitar.

I love him when knows when to be intelligent and when to act dumb.

I love him when he treats me like his boss.

I love him when he can express himself clearly.

I love him when he listens at me when I started to get mad and scream at him.

I love him when reads a lot of books.

I love him when he gives me time to feel sentimental.

I love him when he acts responsibly to his self, to his family and to his future.

I love him when he smells so good.

I love him when he looks so fresh and gwapo when we meet.

I love him when acts so bugoy and so manly.

I love him when he makes me smile when I start to get worried.

I love him when he knows I make lambing and wants his attention.

I love him when he compliments me that I’m sexy and pretty.

I love him when he never forces me to eat veggies.

I love him when he cooks very well.

I love him when he's scared of making me cry.

I love him when he spoils me a lot.

I love him when he texts and calls me 24/7.

I love him when he tells me that his irritated at home or with someone.

I love him when he cares so much about my health.

I love him when he laughs together with my friends.

I love him when he can impress my mom.

I love him when he takes me to adventure.

I love him when he introduces strange things to me.

I love him when he thinks of traveling the world with me.

AND....



I love him when he loves me so much.


Let me find out the rest when I remember it..

PAPA

Once in my life I have this certain memory I couldn’t ever forget and I am convinced that all of us have this “memorable moment” and today I’m here in front of you to share my special story.

There was also a “once upon a time” in my life. It was not all found in fairytales and love stories. This time, it’s real and this is MY STORY.

I grew up in a family where I seldom see my father around because of the nature of his work. He was a police officer when he was still alive. He’s always away from us every time he performs his duties. There were also times when he was assigned to other places and he spent most of his times not to us but to his work. Saddened by this situation, I always asked my mother when will father gets home but since my mother doesn’t know either, I stopped asking. I will just wait for the moment when my father knocks at the door, hugs me and will say “I’m home son”. I learned to embrace this common scenario, “a home without a father” since I was a kid.

Being the eldest, I also witnessed how my two siblings longed for my father’s presence. I can see in their eyes the gladness every time my father is home. That is why when we are together we make sure that we enjoy each other’s company. My father spoils us with so many toys, candies, cakes and ice cream, the kinds of food that every child craves for. But having these things don’t complement the time he missed while he was away from us.
I reached the right age with the same scene at home yet I’m still lucky to have my mother to fill the emptiness that my father cannot meet. With the help of my mother, I hardly noticed that I spent most of my life without my father around. I didn’t feel that my life is incomplete but still I cannot ignore the fact that I’m still wishing and praying that I could spend special gatherings with my father such as birthdays and New Year.

Later on, I started to disregard my wishful thinking that father will soon be home and stays with us because the more I think of it, the more I miss him. It seems like a dream that is unreachable but like any child of God, I strongly hold on to my faith and earnestly pray that someday my family will be complete.

True enough, God answers to those who asked. On the first day of January 2008, father came home and spent New Year’s Eve with us. It was the happiest and memorable moment of my life. The fact that my father is not feeling well that time, he did not fail to spend a special celebration with his family. He did not waste his remaining time on something else instead he made sure that we are having fun, making the most of everything.

We spent an extravagant new year not only because father was there but also we recognized it as a blessing for the family and for our lives. Father treated us generously with mouth-watering dishes which he personally cooked. I forgot to mention that my father cooks very well and that is one of the things I miss the most about him. My mother was very happy seeing her husband busy preparing foods for his children. It was a dramatic moment for her.

Maybe you will ask what’s memorable about this story and maybe you will say “it’s just an ordinary tale “. Well I say NO, it was not an ordinary story for me, for my mother and for my siblings. It was the most special one because for 27 years of my existence, it was the very first time that we spent New Year together as far as I can remember. It was the very first time we witnessed the year to end and the New Year to unfold. It was the very first time that we exchanged hugs and kisses together. It was the first time we welcome a new chapter of our lives together.

That New Year of 2008 was a year that left a very special memory for me and for my family. I could have never thought that it was our first and last new year together. It pains me a lot knowing that we shared only one New Year when in fact I waited for him for about 20 years and more to spend that very special day with us. But just like what they always say every story has its ending and so is mine. It wasn’t a very happy ending yet if I look back and if I see myself now, it wasn’t bad after all.

As much as I wanted him to see where I am now and as much as I wanted to tell him that I am now a BEM student, I couldn’t. But if it happens that he is still alive, I hope he will be proud of his son.

Until now, I’m still teary-eyed every time I remember the feeling and the picture of my happy family especially now that father is gone. It was a very memorable memory he left for us. How I wish I could still extend his life to spend more New Years Eve with him but I can’t so I’m satisfied with the memory I had with him and I will cherish it forever. Now Papa will no longer have to say I’m home Son because I will tell him “Papa you are always at home here in my heart”.

VIDA (LIFE)

“What is life?”…

The very prominent and boring question ever asked either on an autograph or during a high school essay. This undying question irritates me a lot for the fact that it is being asked a million times and I think of it as a nonsense and childish query. But to be honest, I refrain from answering this question because I cannot simply answer it. I cannot define life by merely basing it on what I have read, what I have seen and what I have experienced because doing so would make a stupid out of me. I cannot define life because I barely know what life is.

Maybe to make it simpler, I define life as an existence that is full of gladness, sadness, and trials, sacrifices, so on and so forth. See? There are too many adjectives that could possibly define what life is but I’m more comfortable with “LIFE IS COMPLICATED”. True enough it is complicated and yet…..

I made LIFE more complicated and HARD. And it started when I THINK BIG…TOO BIG, that I even THINK of the world too much. I over think and over do things to the point of putting the whole world in my hands. I am dreaming too big, expecting that I could undo the mistakes and frailty of the world and make it an ideal one. A world without imperfections, a life without predicaments, a life without a trace of ugly memories, tears and remorse. That is HOW I WANT TO DEFINE LIFE…

This disease of being PERFECT poisoned my being and worst, I hurt my family and loved ones. I condemned them for their mistakes and I made myself the creed, believing I am perfect and I can do everything right with this “RIGHTFUL MIND”. They say “Little knowledge can be a dangerous thing”, but I guess “Too much knowledge can ruin everything”.

I have missed the meaning of life just because I am too cautious of making mistakes. I am afraid that I will only be “A LIVING MISTAKE, A TOTAL FIASCO”. I hardly noticed that my cognition of a perfect world lead me to something different, something that looks like hell. (The thought of it, starts to frighten me.)

I lived my life beating my own standards and principles. I competed with my own self. That is why whether I win or loss, a part of me mourns for something I vaguely know. I perfectly set a plan for myself, envisioned a picture of a girl achieving goals, conquering dreams and inspiring others. I created this plot, mainly because I want something good, oh no!, SUPERB for myself and somehow this could be a chance I could boast a little.


And then something happens….

I dream big and when the world can’t suffice my dreams, I was disappointed. Disappointment kills me. It’s the worst feeling I can’t manage. I collapsed and I don’t know what life is after then.

Desperate I am I keep searching for the luck; I strived to look for the starting line so that I can make my initial step and yet again, I stumbled. And since I claimed to carry the burden of my loved ones, I thought I was alone and they cannot help me in whatever way. That was my mistake.

I have forgotten that my family and the people who love me were there to help me out. I am too selfish to take all the tasks that we should have shared with each other. And I became conscious of the truth that I cannot be a heroine just like I used to imagine. Damn Cinderella and X- Men!

My madness reached its limit; I went crazy, hysterical, stupid and damned. What a youthful experience!

But just like any other people, I made wrong decisions, I took the wrong step but amidst all, I still feel very lucky because I have figured out what are the things that are very dear to me.

My family
My friends
My faith
and myself.

However mad and stupid I have become, there are the only people who will understand my sickness. They are my REHAB and forever will be.

I miss living. I miss having fun. I miss life.

I still have an ample time and I won’t let it slip away from my hands again.


“You will live and so should I.”





What is life?


There’s the question again…..



And I came up with an answer ….





"Life is all about me and the people who will love me till the end."