Lately, my mind is preoccupied with necessary and unnecessary things and people. I’m waiting for a call that will mark a change in my life but my waiting seems so long that I’m going nuts. I decided to get myself busy by digging old friend’s letters and cards and I quote some of their lines.
“When I saw you first time, you were looking good on my eyes because you always had a smile… You have to know that you are good in writing that is why I only read your article”. – Adolf, 02.27.07
--- Haha. Adolf, the Korean Bug, awh! Joke. Adolf, my old friend, the one who said “I like you” but naïve I am back then, I muttered nothing but Silence. He noticed it so he said again, “You’re still so young, Goldy”. Awh! HAhaha…I’d like to thank him for giving me a letter for he said I’m very lucky because I’m the first girl who will receive a letter from him written in English. It’s my honor Adolf. I wonder if he still remembers me but if not, it won’t make any difference. Nevertheless, if I happen to see you again, I swear you’re going to see the smile just like the first time you set your eyes on me.
“I’m glad God gave me a friend like you so strong yet so fragile. Xenxa na if I’m not like MIMI when at times I can’t be your side”. – Bebang
--- Bebang. Bebang. Bebang! What can I say about this so damn beautiful lady? You have showed me so much gracefulness and I must admit I was in awe looking at you, back then, Angel. The feeling is still the same these days but I wanted to see more of you like BOLDNESS, perhaps. I want to see you scream, kick some ass, do the F sign and tell a girl that she’s a bitch. Don’t get me wrong baby I don’t have the intention to make you evil I just want to let you show the world that even with your apathy, you’re human after all. And I just want to let you know that MIMI and YOU are two different people and I have known that the very first time I befriended both of you. I didn’t ask you to be like MIMI when I needed one; I just want you to be my friend. That’s all. No more, no less. You should start realizing it by now. Despite, all the annoyance and confusion, I still love you. I really do.Lately, my mind is preoccupied with necessary and unnecessary things and people. I’m waiting for a call that will mark a change in my life but while my waiting is taking so long, I’m going nuts. So in order to avoid my further delusion, I prefer to get myself busy by digging old friend’s letter and cards and I quote some of their lines.
“When I saw you first time, you were looking good on my eyes because you always had a smile… You have to know that you are good in writing that is why I only read your article”. – Adolf, 02.27.07
--- Haha. Adolf, the Korean Bug, awh! Joke. Adolf, my old friend, the one who said “I like you” but naïve I am back then, I muttered nothing but Silence. He noticed it so he said again, “You’re still so young, Goldy”. Awh! HAhaha…I’d like to thank him for giving me a letter for he said I’m very lucky because I’m the first girl who will receive a letter from him written in English. It’s my honor Adolf. I wonder if he still remembers us but if not, it won’t make any difference. Nevertheless, if I happen to see you again, I swear you’re going to see the smile just like the first time you set your eyes on me.
“I’m glad God gave me a friend like you so strong yet so fragile. Xenxa na if I’m not like MIMI when at times I can’t be your side”. – Bebang
--- Bebang. Bebang. Bebang! What can I say about this so damn beautiful lady? You have showed me so much gracefulness and I must admit I was in awe looking at you, back then, Angel. The feeling is still the same these days but I wanted to see more of you like BOLDNESS, perhaps. I want to see you scream, kick some ass, do the F sign and tell a girl that she’s a bitch. Don’t get me wrong baby I don’t have the intention to make you evil I just want to let you show the world that even with your apathy, you’re human after all. And I just want to let you know that MIMI and YOU are two different people and I have known that the very first time I befriended both of you. I didn’t ask you to be like MIMI when I needed one; I just want you to be my friend. That’s all. No more, no less. You should start realizing it by now. Despite, all the annoyance and confusion, I still love you. I really do.
“I feel like you are my baby that I should protect from any pain and danger. I fail to realize that you’re no longer a baby”. – Helen, 12.19.05
--- “I wanted to be a baby forever”. That is the truth, Helentot. But I guess a daydream like this is so immature. I had to wake up from that illusion because if I decided to stay there, I will be nothing. And I fear that there will come a time that I will be used to other people’s caress, and I will not be able to let them go. I appreciated your fondness for me but sadly, I have grown up since the day life hit me hard. I had to grow. I need to grow. There are times that I think of someone who could dare to stand by me, to protect me from pain and danger but the more I think of it, the more pain visits my heart because I know very well that I will be waiting for a long time. Nevertheless, I am still grateful that there are few people whom I hope to be more patient of me and of my existence. I know, at times, I’m pain in the ass.
“ Lot of times maoffend ko sa imong voice – ang tone sa imo voice dili ,determine kung suko ka or wala”. -- Bebang, 03.16.05
--- The funniest comment I ever received. How could I deny such remark when the truth is I AM REALLY LOUD? Literally. I am completely clueless of this attribute. I really don’t know that the volume of my voice is at maximum because for me being heard is effortless. Not until Bebang admitted that she was scared of my loudness. Suddenly, I thought of myself, “Do I really sound ferocious?” If yes, then YIKES. I should watch myself 24/7. Seriously, my voice is my signature. It has been my best friend since elementary, reciting poems, declamations, orations, balagtasan and the like. I am trained. Today, I said to myself I will only count someone as my friend when he or she loudly accepts my roar. PROMISE!
“You are silent as a creek but deep as an ocean. Though you never tell me how much you’ve been hurt but you’ve shown me how strong you are. – Bebang , 11.05.07
--- Enclosed with this letter were two packs of Centrum. I laugh at the thought of it but it was a moment where I have proven that Bebang was the sweetest person I have ever known. As I looked back at those years when I was fragile and dying, Bebang was one of the people who worried that I’ll be jumping on a cliff to take my own life. Hahaha..But yeah bebang was right at the idea. When almost everything in my life I thought was a curse, I dread the day when I was born but luckily I have survived everything and fought hard. Bebang had given me the right images and words to describe my being which I can’t do for myself. And everything that she had said was true. How I wish I could also do the same for her if only she lets me too.
“Please don’t ever try to think that we befriend you para lang naa ma tripan or mabinuanangan. Siguro ikaw lang man gud ang tao na akaong na met na dali ra mutuo or for short Uto –Uto.” – Mimi, 05.02.05
--- Oh! How I hate Mimi back then. (The lies, deceptions, gags and more.) I was her favorite victim because I was too dumb and stupid believing her. Damn Mimi! Yet everyone knows that a day without Mimi is boring and dull. She could change every other day to a joyful and memorable one. Nothing’s change until now you still brighten up our gloomy days. Thanks MIMI for the laughters. And yeah she still play jokes on me until now. That’s MIMI.
“Trying hard to fit in and to stay in your level because you are my friend.” – Bebang, 03.23.07
--- I have no idea that our friendship has this certain level that you are talking about. For me, you are a friend – one of my closest, but it seems you are unaware of how special you are to us and oblivious about the fact that we are ready to help you anytime. The only problem is you don’t tell us a thing. Were your faith and trust gone now? I hope not. I know life WAS and IS hard to us but I don’t give up because I am never meant to be a failure so do you. I look forward to the day that you will see your worth not because you are my friend but because you are YOU.
“ I would like to remember you as the girl who never leaves her friend through happiness and sadness. I would like to remember you as the girl who always extends a helping hand and a girl na maguol ka ma sad kon ma sad iyang friends.” – MIMI, 10.06.05
--- CHAR. Thank you for the compliment. I’d like to remember those words you said because I don’t want to lose that character. But over the years, many of that girl’s character were lost. I don’t know if it was lost along my journey or I intended to drop it along the way. It’s true nothing is constant in this world but one thing is for sure, I am here to be your friend.
Valuable memories. Valuable letters. From valuable people.
Friendship. It occurred one day and it stayed right there, perfectly.
These are the written words I will treasure for a lifetime. I missed the old times but I don’t wanna go back because I don’t want to hurt you the second time around.
“I feel like you are my baby that I should protect from any pain and danger. I fail to realize that you’re no longer a baby”. – Helen, 12.19.05
--- “I wanted to be a baby forever”. That is the truth, Helentot. But I guess a daydream like this is so immature. I had to wake up from that illusion because if I decided to stay there, I will be nothing. And I fear that there will come a time that I will be used to other people’s caress, and I will not be able to let them go. I appreciated your fondness for me but sadly, I have grown up since the day life hit me hard. I had to grow. I need to grow. There are times that I think of someone who could dare to stand by me, to protect me from pain and danger but the more I think of it, the more pain visits my heart because I know very well that I will be waiting for a long time. Nevertheless, I am still grateful that there are few people who I hope to be more patient of me and of my existence. I know, at times, I’m pain in the ass.
“ Lot of times ma-offend ko sa imong voice – ang tone sa imo voice dili ,determine kung suko ka or wala”. -- Bebang, 03.16.05
--- The funniest comment I ever received. How could I deny such remark when the truth is I AM REALLY LOUD? Literally. I am completely clueless of this attribute. I really don’t know that the volume of my voice is at maximum because for me, being heard is effortless. Not until Bebang admitted that she was scared of my loudness. Suddenly, I thought of myself, “Do I really sound ferocious?” If yes, then YIKES. I should watch myself 24/7. Seriously, my voice is my signature. It has been my best friend since elementary, reciting poems, declamations, orations, balagtasan and the like. I am trained. Today, I said to myself I will only count someone as my friend when he or she loudly accepts my roar. PROMISE!
“You are silent as a creek but deep as an ocean. Though you never tell me how much you’ve been hurt but you’ve shown me how strong you are. – Bebang , 11.05.07
--- (I love these lines!) Enclosed with this letter were two packs of Centrum. I laughed at the thought but it was a moment where I have proven that Bebang was the sweetest person I have ever known. As I looked back at those years when I was fragile and dying, Bebang was one of the people who worried that I’ll be jumping on a cliff to take my own life. Hahaha..But yeah bebang was right at the idea. When almost everything in my life I thought was a curse, I dread the day when I was born but luckily I survived everything and fought hard. Bebang had given me the right images and words to describe my being which I can’t do for myself. And everything that she had said was true. How I wish I could also do the same for her if only she lets me too.
“Please don’t ever try to think that we befriend you para lang naa ma tripan or mabinuanangan. Siguro ikaw lang man gud ang tao na akaong na met na dali ra mutuo or for short Uto –Uto.” – Mimi, 05.02.05
--- Oh! How I hate Mimi back then. (The lies, deceptions, gags and more.) I was her favorite victim because I was too dumb and stupid to believe her. Damn Mimi! Yet everyone knows that a day without Mimi is boring and dull. She could change every other day to a joyful and memorable one. Nothing’s change until now you still brighten up our gloomy days. Thanks MIMI for the laughters. And yeah she still play jokes on me until now. That’s MIMI.
“Trying hard to fit in and to stay in your level because you are my friend.” – Bebang, 03.23.07
--- I have no idea that our friendship has this certain level that you are talking about. For me, you are a friend – one of my closest, but it seems you are unaware of how special you are to us and oblivious about the fact that we are ready to help you anytime. The only problem is you don’t tell us a thing. Were your faith and trust gone now? I hope not. I know life WAS and IS hard to us but I don’t give up because I am never meant to be a failure so do you. I look forward for the day that you will see your worth not because you are my friend but because you are YOU.
“ I would like to remember you as the girl who never leaves her friend through happiness and sadness. I would like to remember you as the girl who always extends a helping hand and a girl na maguol ka ma sad kon ma sad iyang friends.” – MIMI, 10.06.05
--- CHAR. Thank you for the compliment. I’d like to remember those words you said because I don’t want to lose that character. But over the years, many of that girl’s character were lost. I don’t know if it was lost along my journey or I intended to drop it along the way. It’s true nothing is constant in this world but one thing is for sure, I am here to be your friend.
Valuable memories.
Valuable letters.
From valuable people.
Friendship. It occurred one day and it stayed right there, perfectly.
These are the written words I will treasure for a lifetime. I missed the old times but I don’t want go back because I don’t want to hurt you the second time around.
