Heard this song last night over the radio and I sooo LOved it!..
My theme song for this month!
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Quotes on Love by Paulo Coelho
"When there is no turning back, we should concern ourselves only with the best way of going forward."
"But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand new situation."
"Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always take us somewhere."
"We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by, without accepting him or her, or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soul Mate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind ever invented for itself : LONELINESS."
"We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love,love begins to seek us. And to save us."
"We are travellers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment."
"Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time."
"Magical places are always beautiful and deserve to be contemplated. Always stay on the bridge between the invisible and the visible."
"If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day."
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Forgiveness and Love
When does falling in love start? When does loving someone come to an end? When does hating begin? When does hurting appear? When does forgiveness arise?
For me, Hate is the power that made me strong at times when I was alone, deserted and ruined by the people I loved and trusted. Living in hate and pain they say is a curse but it's more than that. It's NIRVANA. I loved the way I blamed, I loved the way I hated, I loved the way I cursed, I loved the way I blurted the Shits, the Craps and the Fucks. I loved the way I screamed their names and threw them away beneath the fiery hell. I Loved watching it burned to ashes.
But it's Long Gone Now......
Thanks to the years of hate and pain because it finally brought me to EUPHORIA. The place where bliss, forgiveness,love and happiness exist. I know I will not be invulnerable to hate and pain but I am confident that they will not ruin me again. For I have reached the edge of life's eternal LOVE and HAPPINESS. Hurl me a bunch of pain, I will bestow you with enormous love.
Hate. Pain. Forgiveness. Let's talk about it.
Prayer of Forgiveness (O Aleph)
Simply forgive me.
- I do not know why I have to forgive the man I love.
- I forgive the girl I was, not because I want to become a saint but because I do not want to endure this hatred. This tiresome hatred.
This was not what I expected.
- You may not forgive everyone and everything, but forgive me.
- I forgive everything and everyone. I forgive you because I love you and you do not love me. I forgive you because you reject me and I am losing my power.
- I am liberated from hatred by means of forgiveness and love. I understand that suffering, when it cannot be avoided, helps me to advance towards glory.
The tears I shed, I forgive.
The suffering and disappointments, I forgive.
The betrayals and lies, I forgive.
The slandering and scheming, I forgive.
The hatred and persecution, I forgive.
The punches that were given, I forgive.
The shattered dreams, I forgive.
The dead hopes, I forgive.
The disaffection and jealousy, I forgive.
The indifference and ill will, I forgive.
The injustice in the name of justice, I forgive.
The anger and mistreatment, I forgive.
The neglect and oblivion, I forgive.
The world with all its evil, I forgive.
Grief and resentment, I replace with understanding and agreement.
Revolt, I replace with music that comes from my violin.
Pain I replace with oblivion.
Revenge, I replace with victory.
I will be able to love above all discontentment.
To give even when I am stripped of everything.
To work happily even when I find myself in the midst of all obstacles.
To dry tears even when I am still crying.
To believe even when I am discredited.
-Thy will be done. Thy will be done......
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Envious Truth
Envy is a word I refuse to recognize because it’s a poison that would slowly destroy my entire being. But if it’s the word that fits my feeling tonight then let it be.
It’s been two years that I haven’t seen his façade nor felt his presence. I may have accepted his absence but never forgotten the pain.
And what would I do?
Simply ignore everything and go on?
Deceiving my self would be the last thing I would do because I cannot simply disregard the sting of pain every time I saw the sun sets and the clouds turn dark without hearing the words “Jing, get inside it’s getting late”.
I cannot simply close my eyes every time I see a daughter who clings to his father and tells “Be careful. Cars coming your way”.
I cannot simply deny the fact that I envy so much the scene of having a father who would always tell me “Beware of boys, you don’t know who’s telling the truth. Let me find it out for you then winks”.
All of these are fruits of envy I felt at the age of 23. And DAMN IT HURTS.
I cannot bury the picture of having the man who has always the instinct of protecting me.
Would I ever meet a man who would give up his life for someone like me?
Would I ever meet a man who gave my mother a life not perfect and the best yet a memory to always remember?
Would I ever meet a man who buys me ribbon and hair clips and say “Get a long straight hair because guys love it that way"?
Would I ever meet a man who will cook for me and serves one hot sizzling bowl of soup and tells “Eat and be satisfied”?
Would I ever meet a man who will gaze at me and say, “What are you wearing? Get dress again and make sure you won’t show any skin"?
Would I ever meet a man who will boast me in front of his boy friends and say, “My girl dances so well”?
Would I ever meet a man who takes me in the midst of a creepy forest hunting for strange blue birds?
Would I ever meet a man who lets go of me in a cliff and let me dive even if he knows I don't know how to swim?
Would I ever meet a man who will take revenge for me because I was hurt by someone?
Would I ever meet a man who will wake me up in the morning and takes me to slumber at night and sings me a Lullaby?
Would I ever feel safe with a man again?
Would I ever meet you again?
WOULD I?
No answer.
I guess these tears will always flow every time I will remember your innocent face smiling down at me.
And I guess I will miss you forever.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Closing cycles
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/10/12/closing-cycles-eng-espa-port/
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/10/12/closing-cycles-eng-espa-port/
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
My Tale of Love ( Mi cuento del amor )
You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love….. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them … and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges.
“ Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away … and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges … giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too … and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/10/04/readers-story-the-perfect-heart/
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Tears start to build up at the corner of my eyes while I read these beautiful lines. I have always been emotional and easily stirred by stories about love that I can relate to. (which is very contradictory, since I’m not a fan of romantic movies.) But anyway…..
I am truly idealistic when it comes to love and relationships. I am an admirer of fairytales, ideal man and dream boy. I had five relationships, fell in love three times and died three times. The latter changed my life into something I never wished for.
Perfectionist, choosy, fussy.
Whatever they call it, I’m not exactly what the word defines. I’m like any other ordinary girls, with just a unique character. And this uniqueness, I must admit makes everything hard.
“Every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love….. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them … and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges.”
I love this line.
The very first time I have given my love was to a boy whom I considered to be my ideal man. Well, HE WAS, not until I found out that even the “almost” perfect man can still break a heart. I have given all my love to him and until now I’m still astonished knowing that a long time ago I had an enormous love to give. I tore out my heart for him, let it bled for him and eventually I let it died for him but because “the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges”. And up until now, I can see those rough edges turned into scars and I think it will reside here in my heart forever.
Yet there are times I like to remember the first time I fall in love. The feeling was heaven. It was ecstasy, sweet and wonderful. How I wish someday I can feel that feeling again and I wish someday I can call someone my “baby” again.
“Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away … and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me.”
I love this line.
The second round of my love story was different. Different because I love this person but I’m not in love with him. I love him because he became someone I wanted to have. Someone who listened to every animosity, screams, disappointments, hatreds and failures I had. And he never complained, not that I know of. I let myself love him more than a friend. He became my soul mate. (if it’s the right word to describe our relationship). He was my mirror of a mad life. I have given him the remaining piece of my heart and 5 years have passed, he hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. Or maybe I did not feel it, or maybe I refused to perceive it because I know if he did give his heart to me, it will not suffice to what I have lost. It is not enough to fill the empty gouges.
“Dota or Dotz” that’s what I treasured the most about us. Nicknames that still attach us to each other and even I cursed him to death before I still would like to remember July 11 as Dota day.
“Giving love is taking a chance.”
I love this line.
For the third and sweetest time, I fell in love. And it was like the first time, I was happy. Indescribable happiness. I never had the idea that I still have a piece of my heart to give and I guess, it was meant to stay unnoticed all these years because it was meant for him. A piece of my heart left only for him. I took a chance and it’s all worth it. He was the man of 24/7. He never gets bored and tired to call and say I love you. He, my bebz never failed to amused me and filled me with sweetness I longed to have. He could possibly be the man I wanted to have all my life and he could possibly be the man that could give me the never-ending chill in my spine. =)
Yet there are circumstances that are inevitable and I have no control of. When it happened, I slipped a grip of him or perhaps he did loosen the grip, letting me go without proclaiming a battle. I was hurt and broken. That is the truth.
I cried. I hated. I died.
Impossible turns into something possible yet I need to realize that the possible could also turn into something impossible. Maybe he is still not the one but I still hope someday he may return and fill the space I have waiting.
And if he doesn’t return, I’ll take a step forward smiling.
Idealistic and dreamer I maybe, I know wherever this step will lead me, I will find him and he will find me.
Love,
Me
Monday, August 30, 2010
I LOVE HIM....
I was too inspired by Paulo Coelho’s blog dated August 27 entitled “Why we love men” so I decided to write some information about what kind of man I love. I convinced myself to write this because I also wanted to know what myself wants…
I love him when writes poems, songs, for me.
I love him when he argues with me and understands me after.
I love him when he plays the guitar.
I love him when knows when to be intelligent and when to act dumb.
I love him when he treats me like his boss.
I love him when he can express himself clearly.
I love him when he listens at me when I started to get mad and scream at him.
I love him when reads a lot of books.
I love him when he gives me time to feel sentimental.
I love him when he acts responsibly to his self, to his family and to his future.
I love him when he smells so good.
I love him when he looks so fresh and gwapo when we meet.
I love him when acts so bugoy and so manly.
I love him when he makes me smile when I start to get worried.
I love him when he knows I make lambing and wants his attention.
I love him when he compliments me that I’m sexy and pretty.
I love him when he never forces me to eat veggies.
I love him when he cooks very well.
I love him when he's scared of making me cry.
I love him when he spoils me a lot.
I love him when he texts and calls me 24/7.
I love him when he tells me that his irritated at home or with someone.
I love him when he cares so much about my health.
I love him when he laughs together with my friends.
I love him when he can impress my mom.
I love him when he takes me to adventure.
I love him when he thinks of traveling the world with me.
AND....
I love him when he loves me so much.
Let me find out the rest when I remember it..
I love him when writes poems, songs, for me.
I love him when he argues with me and understands me after.
I love him when he plays the guitar.
I love him when knows when to be intelligent and when to act dumb.
I love him when he treats me like his boss.
I love him when he can express himself clearly.
I love him when he listens at me when I started to get mad and scream at him.
I love him when reads a lot of books.
I love him when he gives me time to feel sentimental.
I love him when he acts responsibly to his self, to his family and to his future.
I love him when he smells so good.
I love him when he looks so fresh and gwapo when we meet.
I love him when acts so bugoy and so manly.
I love him when he makes me smile when I start to get worried.
I love him when he knows I make lambing and wants his attention.
I love him when he compliments me that I’m sexy and pretty.
I love him when he never forces me to eat veggies.
I love him when he cooks very well.
I love him when he's scared of making me cry.
I love him when he spoils me a lot.
I love him when he texts and calls me 24/7.
I love him when he tells me that his irritated at home or with someone.
I love him when he cares so much about my health.
I love him when he laughs together with my friends.
I love him when he can impress my mom.
I love him when he takes me to adventure.
I love him when he introduces strange things to me.
I love him when he thinks of traveling the world with me.
AND....
I love him when he loves me so much.
Let me find out the rest when I remember it..
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
PAPA
Once in my life I have this certain memory I couldn’t ever forget and I am convinced that all of us have this “memorable moment” and today I’m here in front of you to share my special story.
There was also a “once upon a time” in my life. It was not all found in fairytales and love stories. This time, it’s real and this is MY STORY.
I grew up in a family where I seldom see my father around because of the nature of his work. He was a police officer when he was still alive. He’s always away from us every time he performs his duties. There were also times when he was assigned to other places and he spent most of his times not to us but to his work. Saddened by this situation, I always asked my mother when will father gets home but since my mother doesn’t know either, I stopped asking. I will just wait for the moment when my father knocks at the door, hugs me and will say “I’m home son”. I learned to embrace this common scenario, “a home without a father” since I was a kid.
Being the eldest, I also witnessed how my two siblings longed for my father’s presence. I can see in their eyes the gladness every time my father is home. That is why when we are together we make sure that we enjoy each other’s company. My father spoils us with so many toys, candies, cakes and ice cream, the kinds of food that every child craves for. But having these things don’t complement the time he missed while he was away from us.
I reached the right age with the same scene at home yet I’m still lucky to have my mother to fill the emptiness that my father cannot meet. With the help of my mother, I hardly noticed that I spent most of my life without my father around. I didn’t feel that my life is incomplete but still I cannot ignore the fact that I’m still wishing and praying that I could spend special gatherings with my father such as birthdays and New Year.
Later on, I started to disregard my wishful thinking that father will soon be home and stays with us because the more I think of it, the more I miss him. It seems like a dream that is unreachable but like any child of God, I strongly hold on to my faith and earnestly pray that someday my family will be complete.
True enough, God answers to those who asked. On the first day of January 2008, father came home and spent New Year’s Eve with us. It was the happiest and memorable moment of my life. The fact that my father is not feeling well that time, he did not fail to spend a special celebration with his family. He did not waste his remaining time on something else instead he made sure that we are having fun, making the most of everything.
We spent an extravagant new year not only because father was there but also we recognized it as a blessing for the family and for our lives. Father treated us generously with mouth-watering dishes which he personally cooked. I forgot to mention that my father cooks very well and that is one of the things I miss the most about him. My mother was very happy seeing her husband busy preparing foods for his children. It was a dramatic moment for her.
Maybe you will ask what’s memorable about this story and maybe you will say “it’s just an ordinary tale “. Well I say NO, it was not an ordinary story for me, for my mother and for my siblings. It was the most special one because for 27 years of my existence, it was the very first time that we spent New Year together as far as I can remember. It was the very first time we witnessed the year to end and the New Year to unfold. It was the very first time that we exchanged hugs and kisses together. It was the first time we welcome a new chapter of our lives together.
That New Year of 2008 was a year that left a very special memory for me and for my family. I could have never thought that it was our first and last new year together. It pains me a lot knowing that we shared only one New Year when in fact I waited for him for about 20 years and more to spend that very special day with us. But just like what they always say every story has its ending and so is mine. It wasn’t a very happy ending yet if I look back and if I see myself now, it wasn’t bad after all.
As much as I wanted him to see where I am now and as much as I wanted to tell him that I am now a BEM student, I couldn’t. But if it happens that he is still alive, I hope he will be proud of his son.
Until now, I’m still teary-eyed every time I remember the feeling and the picture of my happy family especially now that father is gone. It was a very memorable memory he left for us. How I wish I could still extend his life to spend more New Years Eve with him but I can’t so I’m satisfied with the memory I had with him and I will cherish it forever. Now Papa will no longer have to say I’m home Son because I will tell him “Papa you are always at home here in my heart”.
Friday, August 6, 2010
VIDA (LIFE)
“What is life?”…
The very prominent and boring question ever asked either on an autograph or during a high school essay. This undying question irritates me a lot for the fact that it is being asked a million times and I think of it as a nonsense and childish query. But to be honest, I refrain from answering this question because I cannot simply answer it. I cannot define life by merely basing it on what I have read, what I have seen and what I have experienced because doing so would make a stupid out of me. I cannot define life because I barely know what life is.
Maybe to make it simpler, I define life as an existence that is full of gladness, sadness, and trials, sacrifices, so on and so forth. See? There are too many adjectives that could possibly define what life is but I’m more comfortable with “LIFE IS COMPLICATED”. True enough it is complicated and yet…..
I made LIFE more complicated and HARD. And it started when I THINK BIG…TOO BIG, that I even THINK of the world too much. I over think and over do things to the point of putting the whole world in my hands. I am dreaming too big, expecting that I could undo the mistakes and frailty of the world and make it an ideal one. A world without imperfections, a life without predicaments, a life without a trace of ugly memories, tears and remorse. That is HOW I WANT TO DEFINE LIFE…
This disease of being PERFECT poisoned my being and worst, I hurt my family and loved ones. I condemned them for their mistakes and I made myself the creed, believing I am perfect and I can do everything right with this “RIGHTFUL MIND”. They say “Little knowledge can be a dangerous thing”, but I guess “Too much knowledge can ruin everything”.
I have missed the meaning of life just because I am too cautious of making mistakes. I am afraid that I will only be “A LIVING MISTAKE, A TOTAL FIASCO”. I hardly noticed that my cognition of a perfect world lead me to something different, something that looks like hell. (The thought of it, starts to frighten me.)
I lived my life beating my own standards and principles. I competed with my own self. That is why whether I win or loss, a part of me mourns for something I vaguely know. I perfectly set a plan for myself, envisioned a picture of a girl achieving goals, conquering dreams and inspiring others. I created this plot, mainly because I want something good, oh no!, SUPERB for myself and somehow this could be a chance I could boast a little.
And then something happens….
I dream big and when the world can’t suffice my dreams, I was disappointed. Disappointment kills me. It’s the worst feeling I can’t manage. I collapsed and I don’t know what life is after then.
Desperate I am I keep searching for the luck; I strived to look for the starting line so that I can make my initial step and yet again, I stumbled. And since I claimed to carry the burden of my loved ones, I thought I was alone and they cannot help me in whatever way. That was my mistake.
I have forgotten that my family and the people who love me were there to help me out. I am too selfish to take all the tasks that we should have shared with each other. And I became conscious of the truth that I cannot be a heroine just like I used to imagine. Damn Cinderella and X- Men!
My madness reached its limit; I went crazy, hysterical, stupid and damned. What a youthful experience!
But just like any other people, I made wrong decisions, I took the wrong step but amidst all, I still feel very lucky because I have figured out what are the things that are very dear to me.
My family
My friends
My faith
and myself.
However mad and stupid I have become, there are the only people who will understand my sickness. They are my REHAB and forever will be.
I miss living. I miss having fun. I miss life.
I still have an ample time and I won’t let it slip away from my hands again.
“You will live and so should I.”
What is life?
There’s the question again…..
And I came up with an answer ….
"Life is all about me and the people who will love me till the end."
Monday, June 28, 2010
I'm not Inlove
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
And just because I call you up
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made
I’m not in love, no-no
I like to see you, but then again
That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you, don’t make a fuss
Don’t tell your friends about the two of us
I’m not in love, no-no
I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that’s lyin’ there
So don’t you ask me to give it back
I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me
I’m not in love, no-no
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time for me
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
And just because I call you up
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made, ooh
I’m not in love, I’m not in love…
Saturday, June 19, 2010
EMOTIONS......
Emotions…
Hurt…Anger.Worries..Pain..Love..Loss..Longing..Disappointment...
What else do I have now?
My psyche is totally in crisis I couldn’t bear.
I cannot think right. It is crowded with too much misery.
I cannot stand still. My courage is wavered.
I’ve been thinking a lot and it gives me a hell lot of pain…here ---in the head.
I am not empty. I am brimming with too much toxic in the heart and in the mind, instead. So how could I be so poor?
It is unfathomable. It has always been.
A macabre life is not what I have in my reverie. I want to live. Where is my life?
I have loved so much. I have cared more than what I can give. I have given more than what I have.
And it’s still nothing.
(People used to dream big but when you grow up, you’ll’ realize dreaming is not always a sweet escape.
Dreaming fools an innocent and pure heart of a tot. They are taught to dream big, to create their own picture of the world they want to live in. After building its fantasy, the real world will welcome you with a BANG! Disappointment strikes in! Dreaming will bring you to perdition because the world is not good. It’s never been good.
Dreaming plus the world-----not a good pair! Forget it!)
Back to reality.
I have done well but not enough to make things accurate.
I need to do something else. Something crazy. Something wild. I need to forget the lame me.
Get that new me out of the box!
If you want to get a life, then MOVE.DAMN YOU GOLDY!
If I could just punch that fluke, I would capture it. I will never let it go!
One chance is enough to make everything all right. Just give me that one chance!
Knock off ding..
It’s just been a bad day…
Hurt…Anger.Worries..Pain..Love..Loss..Longing..Disappointment...
What else do I have now?
My psyche is totally in crisis I couldn’t bear.
I cannot think right. It is crowded with too much misery.
I cannot stand still. My courage is wavered.
I’ve been thinking a lot and it gives me a hell lot of pain…here ---in the head.
I am not empty. I am brimming with too much toxic in the heart and in the mind, instead. So how could I be so poor?
It is unfathomable. It has always been.
A macabre life is not what I have in my reverie. I want to live. Where is my life?
I have loved so much. I have cared more than what I can give. I have given more than what I have.
And it’s still nothing.
(People used to dream big but when you grow up, you’ll’ realize dreaming is not always a sweet escape.
Dreaming fools an innocent and pure heart of a tot. They are taught to dream big, to create their own picture of the world they want to live in. After building its fantasy, the real world will welcome you with a BANG! Disappointment strikes in! Dreaming will bring you to perdition because the world is not good. It’s never been good.
Dreaming plus the world-----not a good pair! Forget it!)
Back to reality.
I have done well but not enough to make things accurate.
I need to do something else. Something crazy. Something wild. I need to forget the lame me.
Get that new me out of the box!
If you want to get a life, then MOVE.DAMN YOU GOLDY!
If I could just punch that fluke, I would capture it. I will never let it go!
One chance is enough to make everything all right. Just give me that one chance!
Knock off ding..
It’s just been a bad day…
Saturday, June 12, 2010
How could it happen so fast?Why does it always end like this?
I am hurting...I'd never thought it will happen again.
This blog is almost flooded with pain and losses, why can't i write something that is FOREVER..something that is MINE...
I have fallen in love for someone I thought who could give his ALL...
I wanted you to stay because I started to dream of myself with you...
I wanted you to love me without any hesitations....
I wanted you to be the man of my life....
I wanted you to do it because I need you...
I wanted you to give up something because I can promise you that your sacrifice is all worth it....
I wanted you to be the person I will hold on to FOREVER...
I wanted you to give your life to me because if you did..I'm willing to do the same...
All I really wanted was you..NOTHING ELSE and NO ONE ELSE....
How could I wanted to own you this much if you don't want it?????
How could I be so bitter...
How could I be so selfish...
DAMN!....
I am hurting...I'd never thought it will happen again.
This blog is almost flooded with pain and losses, why can't i write something that is FOREVER..something that is MINE...
I have fallen in love for someone I thought who could give his ALL...
I wanted you to stay because I started to dream of myself with you...
I wanted you to love me without any hesitations....
I wanted you to be the man of my life....
I wanted you to do it because I need you...
I wanted you to give up something because I can promise you that your sacrifice is all worth it....
I wanted you to be the person I will hold on to FOREVER...
I wanted you to give your life to me because if you did..I'm willing to do the same...
All I really wanted was you..NOTHING ELSE and NO ONE ELSE....
How could I wanted to own you this much if you don't want it?????
How could I be so bitter...
How could I be so selfish...
DAMN!....
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A Love on its 18th and Counting.....
What took me so long to write something about him, about us and about the feelings we felt for each other?
Mmmmm.. Maybe because I’m at the verge of my emotions. Excited. Flattered. Eager. Afraid. Inlove.
Yeah. That’s the word. INLOVE…(now I’m smiling with this thought..Could it really be true that this cold and dead heart of mine beat for someone again?)^_^
It took me years to feel that sweet and shuddering feeling of LOVE. I have never surmised that I will found myself one day crazy about something and someone. Until he came by surprise.
I counted for 3 years. He waited for 18 years. Unbelievable at first. I was skeptical, thinking “ Could it be possible that what he uttered were really true and the things he cherished really happened?”…I need to ponder.
Whether he loved me when I was young or he loved me for what I am now, it doesn’t matter. “I counted for 3 years. He waited for 18 years”.
He loved me for no reason at all. He just said “ He loves me” and that’s it. No explanation. Paulo Coelho once said “ Love doesn’t need to be discussed; it had its own voice that speaks for itself.” Flattered, I said “ How great the power of love is!”.
And when I saw him for the first time after 18 years, I decided and said, “ now we're here at the same place just where we wished, prayed and wanted to be - LOVE.
He loved me more than I loved him. The kind of love I wanted. Not to be unfair on his part but to be secured that when I completely love him, he will never leave just like what other did.I simply wanted to be loved and cared just like the way I do.
Maybe it is too early to conclude on something new. Maybe it is too easy to say that “we can make it” but still, I hoped for that to happen because I cannot bear losing someone who completes the picture that I fancy in every solitary nights - A man who will love me over and over again.
I lay everything to God on what will happen next to our love affair because if He says YES to us, He will really mean it.
I do not ask for a dramatic ending or a teary love story. I just needed someone to build my dreams with without the slightest intention of crushing it.
I will hold on to the moment that HE IS MINE because no one could take it away from me. NOT NOW.
I still enjoy the idea that someone out there is thinking of me every second of his life and I would love to do the same. He gives me one reason why I should smile and love again. Simply because HE IS THERE..
Mmmmm.. Maybe because I’m at the verge of my emotions. Excited. Flattered. Eager. Afraid. Inlove.
Yeah. That’s the word. INLOVE…(now I’m smiling with this thought..Could it really be true that this cold and dead heart of mine beat for someone again?)^_^
It took me years to feel that sweet and shuddering feeling of LOVE. I have never surmised that I will found myself one day crazy about something and someone. Until he came by surprise.
I counted for 3 years. He waited for 18 years. Unbelievable at first. I was skeptical, thinking “ Could it be possible that what he uttered were really true and the things he cherished really happened?”…I need to ponder.
Whether he loved me when I was young or he loved me for what I am now, it doesn’t matter. “I counted for 3 years. He waited for 18 years”.
He loved me for no reason at all. He just said “ He loves me” and that’s it. No explanation. Paulo Coelho once said “ Love doesn’t need to be discussed; it had its own voice that speaks for itself.” Flattered, I said “ How great the power of love is!”.
And when I saw him for the first time after 18 years, I decided and said, “ now we're here at the same place just where we wished, prayed and wanted to be - LOVE.
He loved me more than I loved him. The kind of love I wanted. Not to be unfair on his part but to be secured that when I completely love him, he will never leave just like what other did.I simply wanted to be loved and cared just like the way I do.
Maybe it is too early to conclude on something new. Maybe it is too easy to say that “we can make it” but still, I hoped for that to happen because I cannot bear losing someone who completes the picture that I fancy in every solitary nights - A man who will love me over and over again.
I lay everything to God on what will happen next to our love affair because if He says YES to us, He will really mean it.
I do not ask for a dramatic ending or a teary love story. I just needed someone to build my dreams with without the slightest intention of crushing it.
I will hold on to the moment that HE IS MINE because no one could take it away from me. NOT NOW.
I still enjoy the idea that someone out there is thinking of me every second of his life and I would love to do the same. He gives me one reason why I should smile and love again. Simply because HE IS THERE..
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
I Want the Real Thing
Real Thing
Here comes the night once again
I am feeling lonely
Oh, if only things got turn out like you planned
Where could love be?
Tell me why its so hard to find somebody
Who would stand by me and take the time to understand?
So we are again
I want the real thing or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who will catch me if I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
And I know that its the real thing
To hold me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Someone who'll be there when I call
Just give me the real thing
Where is that moon?
Who needs smile on this one more dreamer?
Let your beam come down and fill my empty wound
Here comes the night
But if there's still a chance love would find me
I'm will be here crossing my fingers
Or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who'll catch me if I should fall?
Someone who'll be there when I call
I know that it's the real thing
To hold me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Someone who'll be there when I call
I wanna know for sure that I can feel secure
Knowing I found an everlasting love
Once I've got that on under control
No I won't let go
I want the real thing or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who will catch me if I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
Its got to be the real thing
Got to be the real thing
Im making the future right
Someone who'll be there when I call
Just got to be the real thing
Here comes the night once again
I am feeling lonely
Oh, if only things got turn out like you planned
Where could love be?
Tell me why its so hard to find somebody
Who would stand by me and take the time to understand?
So we are again
I want the real thing or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who will catch me if I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
And I know that its the real thing
To hold me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Someone who'll be there when I call
Just give me the real thing
Where is that moon?
Who needs smile on this one more dreamer?
Let your beam come down and fill my empty wound
Here comes the night
But if there's still a chance love would find me
I'm will be here crossing my fingers
Or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who'll catch me if I should fall?
Someone who'll be there when I call
I know that it's the real thing
To hold me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Someone who'll be there when I call
I wanna know for sure that I can feel secure
Knowing I found an everlasting love
Once I've got that on under control
No I won't let go
I want the real thing or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure
Who will catch me if I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
Its got to be the real thing
Got to be the real thing
Im making the future right
Someone who'll be there when I call
Just got to be the real thing
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Lost and Gathered Thoughts...^_^
BUDDHA SAYS… "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world and all that we are is the result of what we have thought.”
SARA TEASDALE SAYS… "I have no riches but my thoughts. Yet these are wealth enough for me."
SOCRATES SAYS… "To find yourself, think for yourself."
AND I SAY….Thoughts are fruits of the mind during the solitary moments where one is free to dream and to think of anything and maybe.. just maybe those thoughts will turn into a bunch of reality.
The following are my thoughts during idle times, tiring moments, sad and happy occasions and times when I couldn’t explain and express myself.
These are my LOST AND GATHERED THOUGHTS..
"I will move forward and I will go upward for GOD had already set a success for me, a victory that no one has ever claimed."
"I want a smart guy who can really argue with me yet still understands me after."
"Luck is the situation where good things come without your expectations. A lot of people say that they were born with luck but for me I would rather call it GOD. He brings luck to me. He gives what he thinks is best for me. He knows better than I do. I believe in GOD more than I believe in LUCK."
"I will surrender my life to you. In this journey, I will let you take the lead and I will follow. I am your servant and forever will be!"
"Lead me into a life you want for me. Guide me into a path where you want me to be.."
Fantasy as they call it but they are my dreams, ideal as they say but this is what reality is for me. Look! I’m a fanatic-dreamer-idealist-realistic human. Dare to ask me where my world is, I’ll take you there."
"My beauty is intrinsic not borrowed, not simulated. You can’t have it so envy me to death."
"Why do you have to go? Was my love not enough for you to stay?"
"I’m willing to bleed for you; even if it hurts I will not complain. For you, I can do anything."
"I will not leave my place to seek for him because if I do, he who seeks for me will lose his way or worst he will never find me."
"When dreams seem to be unreachable and situations are out of control, I bow down my head and cry and the moment I stand up again, everything will fall right into its pace."
"When your book closes to its last page – you will think of starting it all over again thinking that you can correct the mistakes written on it. But going back to its pages will not change anything because it already happened and there’s no way for a second chance."
"When emotions become weak the heart cries and things are broken. When fighting for someone you love is nothing but a waste of time, you have to let go because the pain will never stop if you hold for it a longer time. "
"It is a great feeling of success when people compliment you for being intelligent but it is more satisfying when people compliment you for having intelligence with common sense."
"I want to fly to the place where nobody knows me so that I could kick someone’s ass, make people mad and piss them off and yet they will never know who I am."
"I want to scream out loud to make them listen that I’m hurting inside, broken and dying."
"I want to leave and forget the angel inside me. I wanna be bad…Bad to make them good."
"No one in this world has the right to judge me of who I really am and no one will ever have the right to define of what I will become."
"The weirdest thing I could offer is I and it’s up to you to understand or ignore it".
"Your name keeps ringing here inside my heart. You’re like a song I just can’t stop singing. Endless notes that will always make my heart sway."
"I can see the beauty of love, the feeling of joy and the warmth of happiness but the thing I will never understand is the twinge of love I feel every time I see your face. Is it because I hate you for making me cry or I hate you because I love you so much?"
"Solitary moments make us realize the essence of being ourselves. During this time we will learn how to fill up the empty spaces in our lives."
"Thanks for letting me down ‘coz I found my own way to go up."
"Many doubts and confusions passed into my life and have been continuously pulling me down to hell but God never fails to give me the strength nor ceases to answer the hows and whys. God will never leave me and that’s the only thing I’m certain of."
SARA TEASDALE SAYS… "I have no riches but my thoughts. Yet these are wealth enough for me."
SOCRATES SAYS… "To find yourself, think for yourself."
AND I SAY….Thoughts are fruits of the mind during the solitary moments where one is free to dream and to think of anything and maybe.. just maybe those thoughts will turn into a bunch of reality.
The following are my thoughts during idle times, tiring moments, sad and happy occasions and times when I couldn’t explain and express myself.
These are my LOST AND GATHERED THOUGHTS..
"I will move forward and I will go upward for GOD had already set a success for me, a victory that no one has ever claimed."
"I want a smart guy who can really argue with me yet still understands me after."
"Luck is the situation where good things come without your expectations. A lot of people say that they were born with luck but for me I would rather call it GOD. He brings luck to me. He gives what he thinks is best for me. He knows better than I do. I believe in GOD more than I believe in LUCK."
"I will surrender my life to you. In this journey, I will let you take the lead and I will follow. I am your servant and forever will be!"
"Lead me into a life you want for me. Guide me into a path where you want me to be.."
Fantasy as they call it but they are my dreams, ideal as they say but this is what reality is for me. Look! I’m a fanatic-dreamer-idealist-realistic human. Dare to ask me where my world is, I’ll take you there."
"My beauty is intrinsic not borrowed, not simulated. You can’t have it so envy me to death."
"Why do you have to go? Was my love not enough for you to stay?"
"I’m willing to bleed for you; even if it hurts I will not complain. For you, I can do anything."
"I will not leave my place to seek for him because if I do, he who seeks for me will lose his way or worst he will never find me."
"When dreams seem to be unreachable and situations are out of control, I bow down my head and cry and the moment I stand up again, everything will fall right into its pace."
"When your book closes to its last page – you will think of starting it all over again thinking that you can correct the mistakes written on it. But going back to its pages will not change anything because it already happened and there’s no way for a second chance."
"When emotions become weak the heart cries and things are broken. When fighting for someone you love is nothing but a waste of time, you have to let go because the pain will never stop if you hold for it a longer time. "
"It is a great feeling of success when people compliment you for being intelligent but it is more satisfying when people compliment you for having intelligence with common sense."
"I want to fly to the place where nobody knows me so that I could kick someone’s ass, make people mad and piss them off and yet they will never know who I am."
"I want to scream out loud to make them listen that I’m hurting inside, broken and dying."
"I want to leave and forget the angel inside me. I wanna be bad…Bad to make them good."
"No one in this world has the right to judge me of who I really am and no one will ever have the right to define of what I will become."
"The weirdest thing I could offer is I and it’s up to you to understand or ignore it".
"Your name keeps ringing here inside my heart. You’re like a song I just can’t stop singing. Endless notes that will always make my heart sway."
"I can see the beauty of love, the feeling of joy and the warmth of happiness but the thing I will never understand is the twinge of love I feel every time I see your face. Is it because I hate you for making me cry or I hate you because I love you so much?"
"Solitary moments make us realize the essence of being ourselves. During this time we will learn how to fill up the empty spaces in our lives."
"Thanks for letting me down ‘coz I found my own way to go up."
"Many doubts and confusions passed into my life and have been continuously pulling me down to hell but God never fails to give me the strength nor ceases to answer the hows and whys. God will never leave me and that’s the only thing I’m certain of."
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Life on the Go!
I love to write stuffs like this poured with emotions and thoughts about me and my life. I used to carry my “secret notebook” (well I call it secret because it is some sort of a journal that nobody ever tried to read not until I’m alive)…not really like a diary because I only write when I feel like writing something. On the second thought, I also wanted to write all what’s happening inside me because I want people to read my write- ups just in case I die.(OVER!) Reading my blogs could maybe, just maybe lead to their understanding of who I really am.
Some people write because they cannot express what and how they feel or they cannot give an acceptable reason to why they act strange and different from others or maybe it is beyond their power to tell something that they themselves don’t understand.
Life can be exciting, happy, adventurous, fun, Challenging, boring, exhausting, wasted, gloomy and lost. Life is simply life. What happen in the past, in the present and in the future are history that repeats itself. Problems appear in different forms at unexpected time and place yet at the end of the day you always get the solution. Months will pass another problem will come and then the same process goes. You worry, cry and feel tired yet one day it will be gone.
I was just thinking are those old people that reached ages around 60, 70 or more experienced much more problems than I do? Maybe yes but could possibly be no. The age doesn’t count on how many problems you encountered or how many laughter you busted. When young people like me come to a point of giving up, some would tell that life must go on amidst all the encumbrances that you carry. Absolutely it’s true, we humans individually face our own lives that are filled with various test. But it is innate for humans to feel tired sometimes….so can I have my “sometime” just now?
We are born to have two sides: one is being strong and the other is being weak and it depends on you on how to stand the state of being strong and weak. Bitter as may seem but you only have yourself to make your way out.
Life could sometimes be hard for me and boring but I guess I have to run fast and feel the speed to make my life rolling. I have to jump and fly to feel the rush of blood in my veins….This is life to the extreme!
Ride on baby! Ride on!
Some people write because they cannot express what and how they feel or they cannot give an acceptable reason to why they act strange and different from others or maybe it is beyond their power to tell something that they themselves don’t understand.
Life can be exciting, happy, adventurous, fun, Challenging, boring, exhausting, wasted, gloomy and lost. Life is simply life. What happen in the past, in the present and in the future are history that repeats itself. Problems appear in different forms at unexpected time and place yet at the end of the day you always get the solution. Months will pass another problem will come and then the same process goes. You worry, cry and feel tired yet one day it will be gone.
I was just thinking are those old people that reached ages around 60, 70 or more experienced much more problems than I do? Maybe yes but could possibly be no. The age doesn’t count on how many problems you encountered or how many laughter you busted. When young people like me come to a point of giving up, some would tell that life must go on amidst all the encumbrances that you carry. Absolutely it’s true, we humans individually face our own lives that are filled with various test. But it is innate for humans to feel tired sometimes….so can I have my “sometime” just now?
We are born to have two sides: one is being strong and the other is being weak and it depends on you on how to stand the state of being strong and weak. Bitter as may seem but you only have yourself to make your way out.
Life could sometimes be hard for me and boring but I guess I have to run fast and feel the speed to make my life rolling. I have to jump and fly to feel the rush of blood in my veins….This is life to the extreme!
Ride on baby! Ride on!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
MY UNREQUITED LOVE STORY ( THE FINALE)
“You have to know that I will never love a man the way I loved you” (One and Only You Monday, November 16, 2009)…
I speak of these words when I was still hooked with the idea of having you for the second time. These words are uttered with sincerity and affection but can I take it back? Hhhmm..Maybe no because it’s the truth but can I change it? Definitely yes and it goes like this “You have to know that I will never love a man the way I loved you because when the time comes that my man arrives I will love him better and more than I loved you”.
Have I known that for the second time my sacrifice will be just another useless story? Have I known that you can never really fight for me? Have I known that history repeats itself?
Honestly, I was not expecting that it would happen again. I thought things will be different now but I was wrong. Did I assume too much? Did I expect too much from you?
My fantasy over you and about us was another secret of failure.
Well I have to end this endless fool’s dreams. I’m closing the door for you and from now on you will be just the man I will remember for teaching me how love can be cruel and how love can be a sweet sacrifice.
I am not hurt. I am not sad. I am not angry. This is the best ending for an unrequited love story.
Acceptance will take away the pain and the regret. YOU AND I WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER.
I used to fix my mind with you as my ideal man and I could never find someone like you who makes me nervous and shudder at the same time. And I was wrong having this idealism. I never gave myself the chance to see other people’s willingness to give themselves for me just like my willingness to give up everything for you. I would not blame myself for this stupid idealism because it’s my choice.
Now it came to a point where I will need to end this. It’s time to stop dreaming, to stop assuming, to stop waiting and to stop loving you.
I think I did not fail to show you how much you are loved. I did a good fight, didn’t I?
My story.
Your story.
Our story.
The Unrequited love story will now end here.
I speak of these words when I was still hooked with the idea of having you for the second time. These words are uttered with sincerity and affection but can I take it back? Hhhmm..Maybe no because it’s the truth but can I change it? Definitely yes and it goes like this “You have to know that I will never love a man the way I loved you because when the time comes that my man arrives I will love him better and more than I loved you”.
Have I known that for the second time my sacrifice will be just another useless story? Have I known that you can never really fight for me? Have I known that history repeats itself?
Honestly, I was not expecting that it would happen again. I thought things will be different now but I was wrong. Did I assume too much? Did I expect too much from you?
My fantasy over you and about us was another secret of failure.
Well I have to end this endless fool’s dreams. I’m closing the door for you and from now on you will be just the man I will remember for teaching me how love can be cruel and how love can be a sweet sacrifice.
I am not hurt. I am not sad. I am not angry. This is the best ending for an unrequited love story.
Acceptance will take away the pain and the regret. YOU AND I WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER.
I used to fix my mind with you as my ideal man and I could never find someone like you who makes me nervous and shudder at the same time. And I was wrong having this idealism. I never gave myself the chance to see other people’s willingness to give themselves for me just like my willingness to give up everything for you. I would not blame myself for this stupid idealism because it’s my choice.
Now it came to a point where I will need to end this. It’s time to stop dreaming, to stop assuming, to stop waiting and to stop loving you.
I think I did not fail to show you how much you are loved. I did a good fight, didn’t I?
My story.
Your story.
Our story.
The Unrequited love story will now end here.
Monday, January 25, 2010
ADAGIO__I LOVE YOU
I don’t know where to find you
I don’t know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin (or "that brings me a touch of hint")
Within my heart and my soul
I wait for you
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I’ve walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay
Don't let this light fade away
No No No No No No
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you believe
Make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I don’t know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin (or "that brings me a touch of hint")
Within my heart and my soul
I wait for you
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I’ve walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay
Don't let this light fade away
No No No No No No
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man (or "one") to say
That you believe
Make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio (or "I love you" or "I need you")
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Three Characters of My Life
Lately my mind is preoccupied with things I WANT TO DO, I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE.Things that always make my head ache. This is my habit, my disease, my obsession. (mmm..how do you call someone who never stops from thinking?)
Things I WANT TO DO:
I want something great for myself so I want to be someone who can satisfy my own standard. I want to see myself choked with success so I won’t think that I am a complete loser. I want to spend my time on teaching myself the things that the scholars know so I won’t always tell myself that I am dumb and stupid. I want to be someone who is respected and feared by anyone who tries to ridicule me so that I won’t always bent my head down when ignorance is coming my way. I want something for myself that would ease my heart from ceaseless search. I want to find that “something” for myself that would make me say “I couldn’t ask for more”.
Things I CANNOT DO:
I can’t leave because I’m stuck with too much worry about my family. I can’t say no because I’m afraid to hurt others feelings. I can’t say yes because I’m afraid of its consequences. I can’t go if someone is pulling me backwards. I can’t step forward because I’m frightened of what will I see on the way. I CANNOT DO the things I WANT TO DO because it is not easy to settle things at once. It is not easy to let
go.
THE IMPOSSIBLE:
Are there any? Mmm..well these are those fantasies I created inside my mind. You know it’s not good being too imaginative sometimes, it gives you hope at first but disappoint you later on. So better not be like me. ^_^.
The impossible is something to do with YOU and ME. It sounds real yet when I pinch myself I woke up from that fantasy but I can’t keep myself from thinking about it over and over again. EXHAUSTING!
What can I possibly do with the THINGS I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE?
Maybe it’s time for me to decide on matters that concern me, my future, my dream, my goal and my life. I’m giving it a time limit starting today…gonna work hard but when the door opens I’m gonna take that path without regrets and backing off.
Things I WANT TO DO:
I want something great for myself so I want to be someone who can satisfy my own standard. I want to see myself choked with success so I won’t think that I am a complete loser. I want to spend my time on teaching myself the things that the scholars know so I won’t always tell myself that I am dumb and stupid. I want to be someone who is respected and feared by anyone who tries to ridicule me so that I won’t always bent my head down when ignorance is coming my way. I want something for myself that would ease my heart from ceaseless search. I want to find that “something” for myself that would make me say “I couldn’t ask for more”.
Things I CANNOT DO:
I can’t leave because I’m stuck with too much worry about my family. I can’t say no because I’m afraid to hurt others feelings. I can’t say yes because I’m afraid of its consequences. I can’t go if someone is pulling me backwards. I can’t step forward because I’m frightened of what will I see on the way. I CANNOT DO the things I WANT TO DO because it is not easy to settle things at once. It is not easy to let
go.
THE IMPOSSIBLE:
Are there any? Mmm..well these are those fantasies I created inside my mind. You know it’s not good being too imaginative sometimes, it gives you hope at first but disappoint you later on. So better not be like me. ^_^.
The impossible is something to do with YOU and ME. It sounds real yet when I pinch myself I woke up from that fantasy but I can’t keep myself from thinking about it over and over again. EXHAUSTING!
What can I possibly do with the THINGS I CANNOT DO and THE IMPOSSIBLE?
Maybe it’s time for me to decide on matters that concern me, my future, my dream, my goal and my life. I’m giving it a time limit starting today…gonna work hard but when the door opens I’m gonna take that path without regrets and backing off.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year to Look Forward to....
Another year has ended for every one of us and there will be this New Year to face.
Like anyone of you, one chapter in my life has closed its pages and there will be another chapter to unfold.
2009 has been good but there are imminent tragedies which I never saw coming and it was too late for me to regret and blame someone or something just to be able to get the answer of a mystery which I didn’t even recognized. There were different stories in my life which myself cannot understand why the ending of the tale is far different from what I imagined when I wrote its beginning.
Well it was a mistake when I thought I was all alone writing the story of my own life. I forgot that I am in need of guidance and protection. Unexpectedly and unfortunately my stubbornness has its own price and I paid for it.
Every day I grow up and I can sensed that I need to because I must see myself strong and contented. But no matter what I do I keep on failing and every now and then I cried though it hurts a lot to see myself in pain.
Different faces of pain which I need to bear during my solitary moments. Pain of the past that keeps on haunting me. The pain of losing my father and the pain of missing him knowing that I could never touch him again. The pain of the miserable life which drag me into the world of envy and selfishness. The pain of being betrayed and rejected by the people you loved and cared so much. The pain of assuming for the love of someone. The pain of waiting when at the end you will just only know you are waiting for nothing. Yes I was living my life in pain. Some people may not understand it and I have no intention to explain it either. But despite of all these pain, I manage to live my life partly. I still love myself no matter what!
Family is a great refuge especially my mom whom I would offer my life and love. She has been my courage when I have nothing more to give. Thanks to her I still say “cheers” every morning.
2009 has been good because God has given me everything I asked for. He never fails me even if I don’t deserve it. Like any other humans I pay my Master the highest respect, worship and love even if I cannot afford it.
I face 2010 with enthusiasm and optimism…2009 has been good but 2010 will be better. I have to leave some people behind and to welcome another new ones. But I need to remind myself that I should be careful this time. I should not do anything reckless because when it happens again... it will surely be my doomsday.
2010 will be my year and this year will be full of laughter and love. I may not have forgiven some people but I know time will come I will not remember their faces and their names so there will be no more reason for me to look back. I’m moving on. Forward to a better me. To a better year. To a better life.
^_^
Like anyone of you, one chapter in my life has closed its pages and there will be another chapter to unfold.
2009 has been good but there are imminent tragedies which I never saw coming and it was too late for me to regret and blame someone or something just to be able to get the answer of a mystery which I didn’t even recognized. There were different stories in my life which myself cannot understand why the ending of the tale is far different from what I imagined when I wrote its beginning.
Well it was a mistake when I thought I was all alone writing the story of my own life. I forgot that I am in need of guidance and protection. Unexpectedly and unfortunately my stubbornness has its own price and I paid for it.
Every day I grow up and I can sensed that I need to because I must see myself strong and contented. But no matter what I do I keep on failing and every now and then I cried though it hurts a lot to see myself in pain.
Different faces of pain which I need to bear during my solitary moments. Pain of the past that keeps on haunting me. The pain of losing my father and the pain of missing him knowing that I could never touch him again. The pain of the miserable life which drag me into the world of envy and selfishness. The pain of being betrayed and rejected by the people you loved and cared so much. The pain of assuming for the love of someone. The pain of waiting when at the end you will just only know you are waiting for nothing. Yes I was living my life in pain. Some people may not understand it and I have no intention to explain it either. But despite of all these pain, I manage to live my life partly. I still love myself no matter what!
Family is a great refuge especially my mom whom I would offer my life and love. She has been my courage when I have nothing more to give. Thanks to her I still say “cheers” every morning.
2009 has been good because God has given me everything I asked for. He never fails me even if I don’t deserve it. Like any other humans I pay my Master the highest respect, worship and love even if I cannot afford it.
I face 2010 with enthusiasm and optimism…2009 has been good but 2010 will be better. I have to leave some people behind and to welcome another new ones. But I need to remind myself that I should be careful this time. I should not do anything reckless because when it happens again... it will surely be my doomsday.
2010 will be my year and this year will be full of laughter and love. I may not have forgiven some people but I know time will come I will not remember their faces and their names so there will be no more reason for me to look back. I’m moving on. Forward to a better me. To a better year. To a better life.
^_^
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