Another year has ended for every one of us and there will be this New Year to face.
Like anyone of you, one chapter in my life has closed its pages and there will be another chapter to unfold.
2009 has been good but there are imminent tragedies which I never saw coming and it was too late for me to regret and blame someone or something just to be able to get the answer of a mystery which I didn’t even recognized. There were different stories in my life which myself cannot understand why the ending of the tale is far different from what I imagined when I wrote its beginning.
Well it was a mistake when I thought I was all alone writing the story of my own life. I forgot that I am in need of guidance and protection. Unexpectedly and unfortunately my stubbornness has its own price and I paid for it.
Every day I grow up and I can sensed that I need to because I must see myself strong and contented. But no matter what I do I keep on failing and every now and then I cried though it hurts a lot to see myself in pain.
Different faces of pain which I need to bear during my solitary moments. Pain of the past that keeps on haunting me. The pain of losing my father and the pain of missing him knowing that I could never touch him again. The pain of the miserable life which drag me into the world of envy and selfishness. The pain of being betrayed and rejected by the people you loved and cared so much. The pain of assuming for the love of someone. The pain of waiting when at the end you will just only know you are waiting for nothing. Yes I was living my life in pain. Some people may not understand it and I have no intention to explain it either. But despite of all these pain, I manage to live my life partly. I still love myself no matter what!
Family is a great refuge especially my mom whom I would offer my life and love. She has been my courage when I have nothing more to give. Thanks to her I still say “cheers” every morning.
2009 has been good because God has given me everything I asked for. He never fails me even if I don’t deserve it. Like any other humans I pay my Master the highest respect, worship and love even if I cannot afford it.
I face 2010 with enthusiasm and optimism…2009 has been good but 2010 will be better. I have to leave some people behind and to welcome another new ones. But I need to remind myself that I should be careful this time. I should not do anything reckless because when it happens again... it will surely be my doomsday.
2010 will be my year and this year will be full of laughter and love. I may not have forgiven some people but I know time will come I will not remember their faces and their names so there will be no more reason for me to look back. I’m moving on. Forward to a better me. To a better year. To a better life.
^_^
